Choosing to adopt is not a decision most people come to on a whim. For my husband and I it was 15 years of discussing, letting it lie, and re-discussing to finally make the first call to our local Children's Aid Society. The day we called to inquire about how to begin the process to adopt was actually the day of our daughter's birth though we didn't meet her until almost two years later.
When parents or parents-to-be announce they are going to start or grow their family it is expected that well wishes will come their way. Announcing an interest in pursuing adoption would ideally come with the same positive attitude. For both scenarios friends, family and peers are not always as excited as the hopeful parents. It is hard to hear negative or ambivalent attitudes toward a decision that has been so heart felt and thought through.
Speaking with only adoption in mind, though for some reason people see fit to be negative toward families who go beyond the 2.5 child social limit as well, it can really be extra hard to hear some of the harsh words that people choose to give you upon hearing your news. Mostly people are excited to hear about your plans for adoption but it helps to be prepared to hear the negative know-it-alls as well. It seems inevitable that a neighbour's sister's aunt's cousin adopted a child who is terribly behaved and beyond damaged. Comments like "why would you want someone else's problem" or "there are no healthy babies to adopt" or even "you are such a saint, I could never do that" can come at us like a bat to the head.
Guarding your heart against ignorance can go a long way. Know that you may not receive the same excitement at work as the girl in the next office who just announced her pregnancy, though you should. Be steadfast in the belief that your choice to adopt is just as real, valid and special. So many comments are made from a place of limited knowledge in regards to adoption. It helps to find a place to share and talk with other prospective adoptive parents either online or within your community. Online discussion boards like Canada Adopts can go along way in finding support that is needed throughout the adoption process.
It may take time for the important people in your life to adjust to the idea of adoption, to figure out how it may fit in their lives. A grandparent may wonder if they could love an adopted grandchild the same, they may even have to grieve the notion of never having a biological continuation of their family. Don't count them out if they are not on board right away. In time they may be your biggest supporters.
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