Open Heart

Open adoption in it's many forms is becoming more common than the previously closed adoption of days past.  Open adoption in private domestic adoptions have paved the way for openness in foster care adoptions and even in some international adoptions.

Openness can hold a variety of meanings for families.  Ranging from letters shared via a mediator or  adoption agency through to sharing holidays and special occasions with members of the child's birth and adoptive families, open adoption is more of a continuum.  Each family should set their own comfort level.  

How can an open adoption benefit families?

• Open adoption may help reduce the struggle for identity for the child who has been adopted.
• Questions about health and family history may be more accessible to the child.
• Open adoption may help to reduce the feelings of grief in the birth parent if they are able to connect in some way with their child as they grow.
• Openness can give the opportunity for siblings to connect and maintain those important connections.
• For adoptive parents the birth parent is no longer an unknown.  

Being a part of an open adoption requires flexibility and maturity.  Often times prospective adoptive families feel that they need to offer more openness than they truly feel they can handle.  They want to be chosen to parent a child and do not want to give themselves a disadvantage.  It is crucial to be honest about the level of openness an adoptive family can handle.  Starting out slow and moving into more openness as the relationship between families grows creates more trust than pulling back from a promise of contact that was too much to maintain.   

The comfort of sharing birthdays for one family may not work for another.   In situations where safety is a factor openness in terms of contact may be out of the question.  Being open with a child however is a position a parent can choose to take.  If birth family is unable to be in contact via mail, updates or contact by choice or due to safety then an adoptive parent can create an "atmosphere of openness" for the child through honouring their history and sharing it with them in an appropriate way.   Showing respect for the child's birth family is important to creating an atmosphere for the child to be able to feel more free to ask questions or grieve when needed.

When contact is being discussed the idea of welcoming a virtually unknown person into a family's life can seem scary.  Questions about boundaries, loyalty, safety may be rolling about in a prospective adoptive parent's mind.  It helps to talk with other families who have experienced openness.  Learn about the different ways that families have made it work or in ways that it may not have worked.  Often times other adoptive families or birth parents will be the best resource.  Think on the level of openness that is within a comfort level that is workable.  Know that entering into an openness agreement truly is a gesture of trust, and good faith.   It is an agreement that deserves thought, respect and sincerity.