Finding a Groove

The joy has come.  Three years into parenting our daughter I have found a groove in loving her.  I have loved her all along though it has grown and evolved.  What I am proclaiming is that the joy in loving her is mine at last. This past year I stopped focusing on when I would find that joy and focused on trying to be a place of joy for her.

                                                

Learning to accept where we were together at present rather than where we may be or more specifically may never get to has been crucial.  And of course having a safe place and people to cry and express the pain with.  I cannot stress enough the importance of a supportive adoption circle.

I did not wake up one morning to realize I had arrived. It was much more gradual.  As spring unfolded so did our connection.  A set of grandparents parked in a trailer in our yard, a completed backyard pool oasis, and a vacation with just my husband and I may have also encouraged us along a little.

Our days are not blissful, they are real.  They are still filled with rages (hers not mine), tears (hers not mine), and defiance (a bit of both of us).  Laughter, hugs, and cuddles can also find their way into our time.  The life we have chosen is one that allows for slow paces and light schedules.