Loss and Love

Adoption is love.  Adoption is family.  Adoption is a gift.  Adoption is amazing and it is life changing.  There are so many wonderful aspects of adoption.   It is a topic that we want to feel good about.  And to be honest if there were no good feelings around adoption it would not be the choice of so many families.  There is another side to adoption.  A significant side that requires addressing.  Adoption is full of loss.

Adoption begins with loss.

• A mother/father lose the choice or the opportunity to parent the child they brought into the world.  
• A grandparent, sister, brother, aunt, uncle lose the opportunity to see them grow.  
• Birth family lose the chance to share family history with a child and pass down traditions.  
• Adopting parents may be grieving the loss of parenting a biological child.  
• Adopting parents may feel the loss of the first moments or years that they did not experience with their child.   
•  A person who has been adopted loses the connection to the mother who birthed them and their family of origin.  
• Through adoption adopted persons may lose the customs or heritage of their birth family.

Glossing over or not thinking about the deep loss felt by all involved in the adoption circle does not make it any less.  Talking about and discussing the significant losses does not make adoption any less wonderful for some families.  Honesty about the loss can help a healing process or simply help a child, parent or family member to process the event.