Mother, Father, Sister, Brother

Sometimes when I use the term "our daughter" I squirm a little.   There is something about ownership that comes with the use of "our" that makes me feel uneasy.  I don't feel that with "our" boys as we are their sole parents.  The feeling of being her parent is not any less than it feels to be the parent of our sons, I whole heartedly believe that I am her mother.  The fact is however, that I am not her only mother.

We don't own any of our children but my status as the boys mother is exclusive.  I don't hold that with our daughter, I share the title of mother with someone else.  Somewhere on this planet there is a woman who carried and birthed my daughter.  I am pretty sure that as our daughter grows her interest in knowing more about her birth mother will grow with her.  Right now at 3 she doesn't have verbal memory of the first year that she spent with her birth mother.  We give her the words and show her the photos to help her process in an age appropriate way what came before her life in our family.  

My husband is not our daughter's only father.   We know exactly where on this planet her birth father  is and she sees him briefly every month.  She doesn't yet grasp who she is seeing but one day she will.   I can't imagine what it is like for him to have the same gendered parent in our lives.  Maybe a guest post from him someday will share his thoughts on it.

Our sons are not their sister's only siblings.  Each month they welcome into our home our daughter's school aged sister who stays with us overnight.  They show a maturity and empathy that astounds me as they share their sibling roles with her.  She has a couple other siblings (grown and newborn) who she may never know.  We hold it as our duty to provide as much as we can about them with her. 

Being a mother or father is precious.  Being a parent to a child that has been adopted doesn't make being a mother or father any less real, however, you will be asked to open your heart to share that title with another.